once upon a time

my sister's wedding was really beautiful. she was beautiful, and everything was just so nice.

and then our crazy aunt showed up and the family went into damage control/containment mode. which wasn't really too bad. there were lots of nice people who'd just listen to her, confusedly, and then someone would explain that she's bi-polar, mostly manic, and that whatever it was she was saying she didn't mean. steered her away from anything or anyone important, and things went rather smoothly. nothing too outlandish... kidnapping attempts and the like.

we have quite a bit of room in the hotel suite, so she stayed with us tonight. probably better for the general public safety; we can at least try to keep an eye on her. we were talking about relatively normal things, and then out comes crazy mary. seriously. these are things that my mom wants me to document for posterity...well, really just for future reference when she does something screwey.

so, my aunt mary wants me to take three weeks of my summer to go to europe with her. (which is, of course, out of the question. none of us kids are even allowed to be in a car with her.) this apparently is an integral part of her plot to fake her own death. and to unite all religions. apparently she is mary the mother of jesus, thus my cousin neal is actually jesus. not only that, but she doesn't have one child, she has fourteen. my sisters and i and all our cousins are actually her children whom she gave to my mom and their brother to raise. there are only eleven of us, so the other three she still has to find; actually just two, since my new brother-in-law david is apparently one of them, who found 'princess nicole' and came back to the family. and now she wants to take me, another princess, to go find my prince. apparently he happens to be the prince of denmark? (or she just watched that "prince & me" movie too many times.) or was it wales? anyway... oh, about the uniting all religions... apparently she is mormon after all (who knew?)...and she's also catholic, baptist, methodist, lutheran, buddist, and islamic. amazing. i don't know what religion steven segal is, but apparently they're getting married in 2011. i don't know how that's going to work if she's pretending to be dead, but i'm sure she'll figure it all out. but she'll have to figure out what year it is first. i'm not sure that she knows, judging from when she commented on something that happened in 2002...which apparently was seven years ago... time flies when you're psychotic.

time has ravaged on my soul
no plans to leave but still i go
...who cares why
...once upon a time in my life