3/7/07 - you think you're just a boy, but you aren't. i didn't know that at first. you may have been able to pretend to be a jerk sometimes, and you could have done it to me, but you didn't. thank you. i talked about a lot of stupid things last night, and you probably knew that none of it was what i really wanted to say, but i just didn't know how to tell you; but all the other things i said, that was just a way to try and tell you how special i think you are, but how afraid i am. and to ask you be careful with me, because you're stronger than you think, and i'm not as strong as i pretend to be. in case i never get the chance, or never take the chance, consider this my declaration.
3/26/07 - you never said the words, but i got the picture i guess. i guess i knew that it would eventually happen. always does. but you're not a jerk. i don't hate you. i will never hate you. i've told you that so many times, and i know you don't believe me, but i have to say it. i told you never to talk to me again. not because it's what i want, but it's because that's what you wanted, and i guess maybe you were right. maybe it's for the best, but, oh, it hurts so much. still, i have to thank you properly for the weeks that you gave me. things to look forward to and things to smile about, and things that made me so excited and distracted that i made a complete fool of myself... and hope that maybe someday i can have that for real. you didn't trick me; you let me see the real you, and it's beautiful.
i vowed i wouldn't let you know if i was hurt because i wanted to prove to you that you weren't a jerk and show you how wonderful you really are. but i failed, i failed miserably, and now you feel like a jerk again, and i hate that. i hate that i did that to you. i'm so sorry that i let this happen. i know you've been hurt so badly in the past and i wish more than anything that i could've been the one who you wanted, because i knew that i'd be good to you, and that i'd never hurt you because more than anything else i wanted you to be happy. please, please, if you ever think of me, remember that i care about you and will never hate you, no matter what you do, or how much you think you want me to. you have so much goodness and sweetness inside of you. and please, oh, please, don't remember me as just another reason why you're a jerk. those things that you dislike about your life, those aren't the real you. those are just the errors that you haven't worked out of the code yet; don't be scared to change them. you really are special and you deserve the best. don't be afraid to go out and get it. i'll keep praying that you do.
♥bridgotte
No comments:
Post a Comment