small talk

i like musicals. some more than others. one in particular i haven't managed to watch in its entirety, but there's this one song that i like...it's funny, and the guy has a great voice...

i don't wanna talk small talk
now that i'm alone with you
i don't wanna talk small talk
we've got bigger things to do
...why don't you stop all this small talk
i've got somethin' better for your lips to do
and that takes no talk at all...

that's what i call getting to the point. dang. more guys need to learn how to do that. doesn't hurt if they've got the voice to go with it.

NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU B!*@#

that was my favorite part of this last harry potter book. i guess i liked it. it was entertaining to read and had a happy ending where everything works out how you'd like it to. i like happy endings. guess i'm not a huge fan cuz i'm not really that sad it's the end. and i didn't cry when anyone died either. one of my friends said she was bawling throughout the last couple hundred pages. i dunno. i cry about real life more than books lately. anyway...that was my favorite line...

i am the shi[z]

yes, that was censored...

i have a tendency toward self-disparaging attitudes. i tend to be talkative and outgoing, which is often seen initally as confidence. however, the better you get to know me the more likely you are to realize that this is just my way of compensating for or trying to distract people from the things about myself about which i am insecure. often my friends/family tell me that these insecurities are unfounded or that i need to calm down and stop worrying, and sometimes i feel better, but i always seem to fall back into my habits of negative thinking and speaking about myself.

the other night someone told me that i just need to stop all the negative and fearful thinking and tell myself "i am the shi[z]" and just be confident. somehow this seemed more empowering than the young women's divine nature/infinite worth method. (which is of course valid, but just doesn't have the same kick to it.) since i'm moving soon and starting fresh it seems like an ideal opportunity to try and recreate a more positive self-image and present myself as a happier more confident person, and hopefully actually BE that happier more confident person. so, i'm going to attempt to tweak my wardrobe and let myself be a little more high-maintenence (meaning, like, average instead of low...) and instead of walking around thinking... "wow, all these people are hotter than me. i am an idiot...what am i doing with my life...why do i look, and feel, like trash...everybody hates me i'm going to go eat worms...." i'm going to walk around thinking... "da[ng] i look dead sexy today! he[ck] yes! i am the shi[z]! i'm going to [do whatever thing i usually wouldn't because i'm too scared]."

and if people react in a negative or unanticipated manner, or if things don't always go how i want, i won't automatically take it as a sign that there is something wrong with me, but rather just think, "dude, why are you being dumb? i am the shi[z]!"

i don't expect all of my fears and passive-aggressive behaviors will stop immediately, but hopefully i can apply the "fake it 'til you make it" technique.

backhanded compliments

had an okay weekend. lots of work, but managed to do some fun stuff too. went to a couple of wedding receptions.

so, i'm sitting at this table with some old people, and they're giving me the basic rundown...here's a vague recreation:

old dude: do you live here in pleasant grove?
me: no, i live in provo.
old dude: oh, do you go to byu?
me: i did, but i graduated about a year ago.
old dude: oh, where is your husband?
me: oh, um, i don't have one...uh...[laugh]...[mumbling]...[was he kidding?]
old dude: what? how could that have happened?
me: [more mumbling and nervous laughter]
old dude: well, you must have a boyfriend then
me: no, never had any of those...
old dude: but aren't you a manager of that place where you work?
me: yeah
old dude: well, college graduate, good job, isn't that what young men are looking for these days?
me: [ha! in my dreams maybe!]
old dude: maybe you work too much. do you go to lots of dances?
me: [relieved to be interrupted by some relative of the old dude...but then disappointed as he brings new lady into convo]
old dude: she isn't married! can you believe it?
lady: well, a beautiful girl like you is only single because she chooses to be.

thankyou, thankyou... it's time for me to leave now and go to work. yes. i'm a workaholic. i'm a feminazi and hate men and my career at jamba juice is so important to me that i've been constantly turning down all those marriage proposals...

herpes

it's true. i looked it up. i discovered today that i have a cold sore. never had one before. thought i'd look into it. type 1 herpes. only little, but it will probably get worse before it gets better.

on the brighter side, my apartment has stayed really clean for three days straight. yay! my paycheck was bigger than i expected (with bonuses, overtime, and holiday pay...haha!) and i only have to work half my shift tonight, since i worked extra yesterday, and so i can make it to part of lola's wedding reception before work! better go get ready! :D

unsolicited advice

i seem to have been getting a lot of this lately, and it can be pretty frustrating. especially when it's from people who don't know me that well. i don't want to be rude..."you don't know what you're talking about, so why don't you just shut up." but sometimes they really don't know.

but, i suppose i could be inadvertently soliciting some of this. i hate insincere one-word answers to questions like "how are you?" things like "fine" are such a waste, and even things like "good" and "great" are often conditioned responses, and many times not even true. i understand that sometimes people are too busy for real conversations, but i'd only ask how someone was if i really wanted to know. if it was just a general greeting then i'd use a general greeting: "hello," "hi,' or even just "hey" or a smile. so, when people ask me how i am or how i'm doing or what have you, i try to be appropriately specific, but still honest. if i'm having a rough week, i'll probably tell you. hopefully not in a pathetic, whiny way, but i might say, "oh, rough week, but i'm okay. things are still pretty good overall."

however, it seems that some people seem to think that this really means "i'm a horrifically depressed individual in need of help that only you and your superior intellect and life experience can provide. please tell me how to solve all my life problems, and do it now." once in a while such a response may be hoped for from a very close friend or family member, but otherwise it can be really frustrating.

but, the other day i was talking to a friend, and another individual who happened to be around at the time started in on the whole "you need to...blah, blah, yadda, yadda..." and my friend interrupted and said "no, i think bridgette has a really good handle on the situation. she knows it and she's dealing with it really well, much more that i could, so just let her deal with it herself." which of course elicited the "oh, well, i just meant...blah...thought it would be good to...blah..."

but it was nice to be reassured that it's my life, thus making me best suited to deal with it. that feels good.

Screenwriter's Verbal Duress to Lip Caress Shortcut

so there was this really great board question today about how in movies sometimes people will be arguing and then suddenly kissing, and how that doesn't really happen in real life. i thought it was really funny. i even wrote a comment about it on the board message board because i remembered part of a conversation i had earlier today that seemed interesting.

i was talking to this guy who just got our of the army a few months ago, and he mentioned that guys in the military have really high testesterone levels due to all of the physical activity and working out all the time, and that this makes them...um...well...yeah... they want girls bad...

so, assuming that fighting or arguing could also affect hormone levels...maybe a sudden spike could induce a bout of mid-fight kissing? do they make some kind of super-testosterone pheremone perfume that i could wear? cuz that would be cool if it worked...or maybe i should just be a little more feisty...

Amen. dead. and quick both of...

i finished my most recent cover-to-cover of the BoM today. funny thing about that is that then it's just time to start again.

sometimes family scripture study is fun... this one time we were joking about how maybe we should change things up a bit and read cover to cover, but from the back. this seemed like a good idea, just read the chapters in reverse order. would still mostly make sense that way. but my dad went to the back and starting with the last word...(see the title of this post as an example :)

the quick and the dead...always makes me think of the movie...gunfighting...even though i know "quick" just means quickened by the spirit, or alive. funny how words mean different things like that.

similarly, people often confuse quick with fast. these aren't necessarily synonomous though. generally "quick" deals with rate of acceleration, and "fast" deals with speed. por ejemplo: cars. a car with a lot of horsepower generally is very fast, and a car with a lot of torque is generally very quick. sportscars usually have plenty of both. however, something like, oh, say, a scooter? will generally be rather quick, because it's so light, but not necessarily fast. might beat a car off the line, but once you get on the road it might be eating dust...

the coldplay jog-a-thon

this has been one of those weeks when i've felt unusually restless and in need of some life changes and self-improvement. so i've been taking quite a few little jaunts around provo with my little mp3 player, and coldplay's been the flavor of the week. as much as i'd like to be able to say that i come home with a clearer head i don't think that's ever really the case. just full of lots of depressing song lyrics.

"we had a good day"

yes, we did.

sometimes i complain to my current friends about how my old friends are gone, and i think maybe i forget to point out that this is one of the things that makes me care so much about the friends who are closest to me now. one day, probably sooner than i like to think, my friends who i now see most often will become the old ones whose absence i lament.

it is important to remember the past and look to the future, and there will always be work to do and things to worry about. so, i'm glad when i remember that really life is just a long string of days, and that amidst all the work and worry most of those days aren't so bad, and some of them are really good. i have a lot of good friends and good days to remember.

sometimes He lets it rain so we can grow

monday is P-day, which means sammie's mom forwards me her weekly emails. which is fun.

i was a little bummed tonight, sort of just wondering what to do with myself, and i went to the mailbox and *eek* there was a letter from her too! yay! the emails are fun, but letters just for me are better.

i feel like they're even better than church. not that church isn't important, but the best-friend-as-missionary is great b/c she's spiritually "in the zone" AND she knows me and knows just how to comfort and encourage me, and make me feel just so great.

*sigh* it's hard to think that i won't be here when she gets back. but she says she'll come visit me in washington. i hope she does. it seems like people (myself included) always say stuff like that, but it never really happens.

but sammie's right. the rain can be hard and make things kind of hazy, but we need the sunshine and the rain. it's been hard without her, but i'm glad she went. we've both grown a lot, and that's happy.