"it's less depressing if you're dancing"

sometimes i wonder if, when people do little things that are hugely nice, they know how hugely nice they are being...i dunno, it seems like most people are usually looking at the world (and other people) as if everything is somehow disconnected from themselves. so, when they do something nice their perception of why it's a nice thing to do is focused on the action itself or some quality inside them that caused them to do it, but they don't notice just how much it affects the other person...and isn't that really what gives an action it's quality? i suppose the result is never certain so we get used to classifying things by the usual or expected result just to be safe... or we're afraid of classifying by result because of the occasional times that our good intentions somehow go awry... but that's kind of sad because then we shortchange ourselves from being able to recognize and appreciate the good we can do in the lives of others. or, in the alternative, we fail to sufficiently consider our actions and excuse ourselves of a lot of thoughtless misbehavior simply because we lacked any specific wrongful intent...

anyway, i thought i was going to be so dead tired today. i've been staying up later every night this week than i should have because there were a bunch of church-people things going on, and since that's 100% of my social life in seattle so far i decided i should take advantage and deal with the consequences (a.k.a. being really tired at work the next day). but, i wasn't tired at all today! in fact, i felt really great! i went to the crazy-long training workshop for the new distribution and disbursement guidelines being implemented in compliance with the federal debt reduction act (yes, i did just use a bunch of work-lingo, so no you don't have to know what i'm talking about) and it turned out to be really fun! and i still had time to make a "rtn tc to ncp empl" (yes more work lingo), and managed to correct, print, and attach the worksheets for the 3 9-275's i generated yesterday and routed them to cst...and i'll just hit that off button and save the rest of the stuff that no one understands... but it was great!

what does this have to do with dancing? well, on saturday night i was listening to this song... it's really pretty and really cute, only for some reason suddenly i was just crying! gross. i think it was just one of those times when you realize that your life isn't as cute as the song and dang it but you wish it was...and why isn't it? BUT that's just one of those things that happens when you're at home on saturday night doing your laundry. but then a few days later you go to a party and have fun and realize that life isn't really that bad...in fact sometimes it's pretty great, so you should be more grateful... and that maybe you shouldn't torture yourself and just save the cute songs for when you're dancing...

heaven, i'm in heaven
and the cares that hung around me through the week
seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak
when we're out together dancing(even if it isn't)cheek to cheek

making it official

i got an email from someone at school who noticed that i wasn't registered for classes, so i finally officially admitted that i wasn't coming back. so. there it is.

interestingly though, the state has an employee education program, and if i decided i wanted to go back and finish i could get them to pay for it as long as i remained a full-time employee (so i'd have to go to school part time) and signed a contract to continue working for the state for a certain number of years after i finished. there is actually a team of lawyers in my office, and most of the bosses of my division are lawyers too. so, if in a few years i'm still single and want to make a little more of my career i could get my j.d. for free and have a guaranteed job when i'm done. sounds like a good deal to me! we'll see... i like my job a lot, so i'm pretty satisfied right now, but it's nice to have good future options.

also, today i finally went to the department of licensing and managed to get them to believe i really am a washington resident. i didn't have much off the list of approved items to for residency since i don't pay my own utilities or anything, but i had a paystub (from the department of social and health services) and a letter about the state retirement program (i think from the department of revenue). usually those wouldn't count as separate things since they're from the same job, but the supervisor guy said it was okay since one could count as job related and the other could count as something gov't related since they were from different addresses and departments. *phew*

and my picture looks better than the one on my utah license. probably because i'm less fat now. after three months on my diet i'm beginning to make some more noticible progress. hopefully that will continue. i will keep working on it. maybe then i won't die a single fat girl... although i guess i could still be stuck a single skinny girl, but that would still be better...