i'm really pissed off right now and i can't think of anything else to do about it except write in this stupid blog

ugh. this weekend was frustrating. in fact this whole last week or so has been really upsetting. i've been feeling lonely and sad and i've been handling situations badly. and then instead of telling my friends that i'm having a hard time and asking for their help, i get upset that they can't see how hurt i am and how much i'm struggling and treat them badly and push them away by lashing out or isolating myself and then i'm just more sad and alone and end up feeling even worse than i did to start with. and now i'm so upset that if i swallowed my pride long enough to talk to somebody about what's going on i'd probably just end up freaking out on them and making it worse. if i could even think of someone to talk to...isn't that why i'm just writing this here and hoping someone will find it and decide to be that person? maybe i should have more faith in my friends... maybe i should just drink the rest of my nyquil and go to bed early... my throat hurts really bad right now...