"my friend"

that's what he refers to me as; i heard him say it to someone last night. so, no DP for me it seems. cuz there's somebody else who he's dating now. i wish he'd given me a heads up on that a little earlier, but i suppose i wasn't surprised cuz it's become one of those things that i'm always afraid of, and it seems for good reason. bummer though, cuz i told him i had a rough week so he called me last night and we talked for like an hour and a half (which is a pretty standard convo time for us) and he told me that he meant all the nice things he said about me and it wasn't like there wasn't potential, he just decided to try something else cuz he knew her better. i don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better, but if it does then not very much...i finally find somebody who says i'm attractive and means that he actually thinks so and not just that he figures somebody else might and he slips through my fingers. am i supposed to take this as proof that there are other guys like that out there somewhere? or should i just remind myself that i'm a total idiot and will always botch every opportunity i ever have?
so, i'm going to seattle for a job interview this week, but instead of being 95% excited to see a boy and 5% excited about the job (and another 100% excited about the prospect of getting the job so i can see the boy on a regular basis), i just kind of wish that i weren't going at all. except, now i have my grades back and know for sure that i've lost my scholarship and i'll need the job even more, so i'm going anyway.
but on the bright side, i think i get to pick my g'ma from the mental health clinic. they don't allow visitors so i really don't know how she's doing, but i hope she's doing better. DP says he wants me to tell him how it goes. why does he have to say it in such a concerned voice? i guess that's the friendly thing to do, right? dang him for being so nice to me and making it impossible for me to be angry. i was the one who got my hopes up, so i only have myself to blame if i'm disappointed now. i guess it's good that i'm not spending an extra day in seattle with DP cuz then i can just make it a 1-day trip there and back and not leave my g'ma alone at home. do i actually want the job? i don't know. i was determined to take it if i lost my scholarship, but moving all the way out to seattle with just one friend who's just a friend who's already dating somebody else isn't as exciting as the situation i was hoping for.
oh well... i guess a friend is better than nothing. travis said when he broke up with me i was demoted and that now we're only acquaintances cuz i don't qualify as a friend. that really hurt. and strangely, it was still really nice and comfortable talking to DP, even after i knew we were just friends, so, yeah...weird... life is weird.