girly

well, i'm obviously not a guy, but sometimes i wonder how good i am at being a girl...
like, i have girl friends that i get along with and understand, but sometimes i'm forced to realize that there's this separate girl-culture that i'm not a part of...
i know, that sounds like some serious in-group/out-group bias, which is probably not very Christlike, but really...i try to be hygenic and avoid dressing too sloppily or like a pioneer or whatever, and generally i think i have passable social skills. sometimes i talk too much or too loudly or veer into questionable topics, but i'm generally friendly and entertaining. when i was younger i was pretty dorky and shy, but i feel like i've made decent progress over the last 10 years or so and managed to pull myself into the mainstream population.
but somehow i always seem to be confronted by the fact that there is this whole other breed of females, often resented by women and idolized by men, and i'm afraid that this distinction is perhaps the cause of my life's major woes...

example 1: my empty-handedness at the end of the friday night institute activity
example 2: the obvious disparity between myself and the preferred "ex"
example 3: the confusion of the bishops of every singles ward i attend at my lack of dating history (and my inability to be satisfactory to the guys they then throw my way)
example 4: my inability to properly advise my guy-friends about girls

the fact is, there are a whole bunch of very attractive, highly-fashionable, confident women out there who just have something that i don't. moreover, my lack of having those things makes me completely unable to interact with or understand these women. furthermore, this is what most young LDS guys seem to be looking for: trophy-wives. i'd be a great wife and a great mom, but i'm not worth fighting over or showing off, and i guess that's why i've been sitting here on the shelf so long.

i dunno...i always thought it was better to be a "real" person who was too busy with meaningful life pursuits to be overly concerned with looks and fads, but i wonder if this isn't maybe just some type of rationalization... i didn't want to be a "sell-out", but maybe i should realize that what i've been labeling as silly and "shallow" is just reality and if i want to win at life then i have to play the game like everybody else...
maybe i'm not as noble as i pretend to be...i'm probably just as shallow as everyone else, but i know i can't compete so i'm "self-handicapping" by pretending that i don't want to be like those other girls when the truth is: i'd love to be beautiful and chic and treat people like crap just because i know i can get away with it; then maybe i'd be the heartbreaker instead of the heartbroken for once...haha...oh well.