splinter theory

i had a really fun discussion with my friend forrest yesterday, where he shared with me the splinter theory of dating/attraction/marriage/yadda/yadda/what-have-you... i had a similar theory, but i think the way he expresses it is a better operationalization (yes, that is a word), so i think i'll defenestrate mine and adopt his. let me share my own specific description of this with you...

first, let's take a look at a standard/normal distribution bell curve.

now, let us assume that the horizontal axis represents a scale of attractiveness, with the vertical scale being simply the value of n, the number of cases.

the left-hand tail, roughly the lower stanine*, represents those unfortunate individuals who are undeniably unattractive; the right hand tail consists of those blessed individuals who are undeniably attractive; and the vast majority of people lie somewhere in between.

this theory posits that persons within the upper and lower stanines tend to date/marry members of their own stanine with extremely high levels of exclusivity, whereas persons in the middle stanines interact with relative fluidity. attractiveness is, of course, not the only predictor of dating/marriage options; however, other things such as personality, interests, skills, or wealth tend to have a much stronger effect within the three previously delineated attractiveness groups than between them.

that being said, it is the people in the 2nd and 8th stanines, who are those most likely to cross over these barriers between groups, who create the most interesting situations, and possibly also the most frustrating. but this is getting long, so i'll let you imagine up some examples for yourself.

*stanine: one of the steps in a nine-point scale of standard scores. similar to quartiles, but sets the mean/median as the center of a step rather than a division between steps; the odd number of steps draws from the premise of the famililar Likert scale (strongly disagree, disagree, neutral, etc.) that only with an odd number of steps can there be a true middle, or neutral, category. the common 1-10 scale has no true center. most assume a 5, but this is a fallicy since there are six steps above it, but only four below.

orgy juice

we scared evan pretty bad today. we aren't used to having a guy around, especially a little highschooler. i don't actually think he's scared, he just likes to tease us, by yelling "rape" or "i need a chaperone" whenever he's alone with one of us. how did we do this? well, we have a few running jokes...
(1) he was involved in the starting of the "orgy juice" nickname, (see yesterday's post) and as such we would give him a hard time whenever he was alone in a room with a girl, so maybe he's just trying to make it clear that he is in greater danger of being raped than being a rapist
(2) a comment was made about someone making someone's body not a temple. this was actually months ago, but we think it's a great phrase and reuse it often.
(3) we make up contests for how young, attractive, male customers can win free smoothies. i won't say what they are, but you can guess...
(4) "things i would do if i weren't mormon"...mostly just the basics...drinking, drugs, sex...mostly sex. especially prostitution. jamba doesn't pay very well. but not the dirty-street corner kind. we've planned out a referral system, so basically it could be the "orgy juice escort service"... we'd build up specific clientele, and have already discussed some individuals who would be pre-approved.

i'll stop there, lest i get too scandalous.

kids say the darndest things...

so, i went to get my transmission serviced today, since i've been driving like a maniac lately.

the place i go is sort of a family business. there was a little boy climbing all over the desk. he was highly entertaining, even if it did distract me from my copy of Road&Track. his dad works there and his grandpa owns the place, he didn't have a babysitter, so he was playing in the lobby/office area. the receptionist was sort of keeping an eye on him, but basically he was just there goofing around and playfully harassing the customers. watch out, i'm gonna zoom this [toy motorcycle] over there. hey, if you want another magazine i can get you one. are you sure? it looks boring. what kind of car do you drive? oh. why do you like lexus? i hate lexus. i like chevy. and yeah-maha. true story. i asked YAW-ma-ha, and he said, "NO. yee-AH-ma-ha." he probably says fark instead of fork too. haha!

but, still a great place. faster than they said and cheaper than i expected.
check it out... J&M's transmission clinic. 855 S Univ Ave Provo, east side of the street, on the south end of the auto/industrial area by the bridge.

and when the kid doesn't have a babysitter it comes with free entertainment!

babies!

a couple weeks ago at my sisters 2nd of 3 wedding receptions, our old roommie, pamela, told us that she and jeff were going to have a little pam&jeff. she called it her little avocado, because that's about how big it is so far. she told me today that it will indeed be a little pam. i'm so excited! pam is one of my faves, and when her and jeff finally got married i was freaking happy. ask the chalice of evil. she was at the reception too and was probably aware that i was way more happy than single girls usually are at their friends weddings. aaahhh!!! (that is a happy yell.)

so, i've been working a lot lately with this kid named evan. he's pretty cool. mostly because he's a good worker and very cooperative. i ask him to do something, he says "yes ma'am" (or sometimes "yes'm"...highly entertaining), and does it. no whining or complaining or attempts to push things off on other people; even the really yucky jobs. one of the other managers told me that if she were 5 years younger she'd have a little crush on him...i agreed, but with the stipulation that i be 10 years younger. he's pretty much a baby. really funny though: the other day some girls came in, wearing some byu gear, and one left him a note with her number. haha! we got a good chuckle out of that. also, we kid him a LOT about the other high-schoolers, since there are way more girls that work at jamba. one day he and one of the girls went to get something from the freezer, and were in there kind of a long time. probably just didn't know where things are since they're new, but we gave them a hard time about it. susan (who is flippin hilarious!) told them to stop making out and get to work. "this is jamba juice, not orgy juice." so now there's kind of a big joke about making out in the freezer. (boys, keep that in mind if you ever feel like starting some rumors...come by and i'll give you a tour of the walk-in freezer. we can keep each other warm;)

i love susan. she was really mad today. her apartment complex is kicking her out at the end of the summer because they sold her contract to someone else for more $$. retarded. especially since her roommate signed a contract with the stipulation that they stay together in the same apartment, but won't let her out of hers. she was pretty upset and tried to talk to them about it, but they suck. and so she tried to get another apartment for fall somewhere else, but they called her back and said that due to a bad reference from where she lives now they wouldn't let her live there. so in a couple months she will be homeless. big mess. don't live at the omni apartments on 5th west. they're nice apartments, but the management sucks. maybe they'd be happier if they were having some babies.

this ain't a scene, it's a [gosh darn] arms race

ryan, you're always wanting someone to beat up...

embarassing

i wish to share with you the great admiration and respect with which i have come to regard you

it's funny the things you find when you clean your room. i realize that i'm not one of those people who live in the past after all. i mostly block it out. which is good because my past is often pretty embarassing. i've done and said and expected a lot of really silly things, and at the time they seemed totally reasonable. maybe they were. 20/20 hindsight. clarity can be pretty harsh. just makes me wonder how much of what i do and say and expect right now will turn out to be the kinds of things i spend my life trying to forget. i usually think of myself as a relatively rational person. i guess i might be wrong about that. really wrong.

maybe i just spend my life immersed in some type of imaginary world, mostly constructed of misinterpretations and incorrect assumptions.

denial.

why...how...do people refute a phenomenon of which they are a prime example? do they honestly not realize what they're doing? do they have a reason for their behavior which they think legitimately excepts them? and if they are an exception, can they not recognize that they are in deed simply an exception and that the general rule is still valid?

this is something that often frustrates me. but maybe that's what life is a lot of the time. we're all too afraid to face reality and so we spend our lives in denial. and once in a while we realize just how silly we're being.

now at last i know
what a fool i've been

when the spring is cold
where do robins go
what makes winters lonely
now at last i know

i watched vh1 today. haven't done that in a while. feist. pretty chill. not really feisty. i like it.

i need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves

loneliness, boredom, yeah. malorie is out of town. that basically sucks all the fun out of the apartment. none of us are home very much as it is, but she'll be gone for the next week. but at least my apartment is really clean. i cleaned the fridge out today. and my bedroom looks better than it has in...months...i'm not even sure how many... lots. plan for tomorrow? finish unpacking...laundry...maybe some more cleaning... get my transmission flushed, and maybe an oil change. even though it's only been 2 weeks since the last one.

i put about 5000 miles on my car in the past three weeks. with all that driving, i've been listening to a lot of music, and i have a lot of new favorite songs. fun. so i took my CDs to listen to at work. mae. and my friend algot came in. wearing a mae t-shirt. said, "this is yours, isn't it?!" ha! it was pretty perfect. and great to see him too. i remember him bringing the destination: beautiful album to my apartment for us to listen to. good times.

You come over unannounced
Silence broken by
Your voice in the dark
I need you here, tonight
Just like the ocean
Needs the waves

how poetic. and yet, i wonder... in what way does the ocean need the waves? the ocean has waves, which are created by the wind: a transferrence of energy from the air to the water... but would a lack of waves cause the ocean to cease being an ocean? but in nature that would never happen anyway, not entirely at least. so, pointless question i guess. the ocean doesn't need the waves...the ocean inevitably has waves...so saying you need something like the ocean needs waves is like saying that to be without that thing would be like ceasing to be real...ceasing to exist. whoa...

that's one of the new favorites.

blog?

so, i've started using my facebook notes kind of like a blog, but decided that when i moved away from provo it might be nice to have a real one. especially now that i've become more involved in the 100 hour board these past few months. involved might not be the right word, but... i'm trying to be cool like them.

also, it seemed like a nice way to stay in touch with my provo peeps, with as little effort as possible. not that i don't love you guys, but when school starts up i know i won't have or take the time to stay in touch as i'd like or ought to. this seems better than mass emails or something. nothing is really more realistic than something, though.

so, if you're reading this and thinking, "okay, but you haven't left yet..." my response is: i know. but if i get going on it now then it'll already be a habit when i do leave. and i was bored. fragment. i know. get used to it. :)

however, i may choose not to unveil it until after i leave... tricksy... or i might get excited and just do it now... ha!

i uploaded most of my notes from facebook, and dated them appropriately. that way non-facebookers can catch up. or in case i become popular among strangers. i've always secretly dreamt of popularity... not really secretly though.